Breaking Up is Hard to Do
By Jeff Cohen, freelance writer (cohenwriting@aol.com)
If Ken and Barbie can call it quits after 43 blissful years together, that means it can happen to just about anyone. The keys to maintaining your sanity in the midst of a breakup are quite simple. First, Stop focusing on what could have, should have, or might have been. What's done is done at this point and there's nowhere to look but ahead.
If you've tried to end things but just can't seem to do it, that means it may already be over. Resist the urge to stay with someone just to spare their feelings. You can be certain that it will hurt them even more the longer you wait to break the bad news. The sooner that you get it over with, the sooner you can both begin to move on.
Don't lash out at the person breaking up with you. Try to put yourself in their shoes and recognize that this is never an easy thing to do. For that matter, if you are the one ending the relationship, always remember to be kind. Treat the other person the way that you would like to be treated and refrain from being mean or spiteful.
A classic, but effective method for moving through any confusing situation is the time-tested good old Pros and Cons list. When you are upset and unable to think straight, it often helps to put your thoughts down on paper. For the Pros section, try to focus on all of the positive aspects of your relationship. If these include things like similar interests and good physical chemistry, take comfort in knowing that you will find that again with a new person. For the Cons section, pay attention to the areas of the relationship that you feel may have been lacking somehow. If these include things like your partner wasn’t very affectionate or simply didn't have the time to commit to you, realize that it may not even be about you. The next person that you date won't be able to keep their hands off of you and will want nothing more than to commit to spending time with you.
You may find yourself constantly thinking about your ex while you are going through the healing process. This is perfectly normal initially, but try not to let it take over your every thought. Find ways to keep busy and maybe even a little distracted. Watch a movie, read a book, or just go for a walk. Make lots of time for your friends because you'll be needing them now more than ever.
While it may seem like a difficult task at first, do try to keep the lines of communication open with your ex. Others may warn against that and even suggest that you avoid all contact. If the person was mean or abusive to you in any way, then by all means cut off those ties. By maintaining a healthy level of communication with your ex, you'll be able to better understand what happened. After all, you two may even end up as friends one day.
Finally, try to think of this breakup as a growth experience and a chance to have learned more about what you're looking for in a partner. The two of you obviously connected for a reason. If you pay attention to that, you should have no trouble finding that kind of connection again. There are so many interesting people in the world just waiting to meet you!
Jeff Cohen - About.com Dating Guide From meeting someone new to getting serious, breaking up, or engagements, you'll find it all from your About.com Guide to Dating, Jeff Cohen. Jeff is also the author of the "30 Minute Guide to Online Dating" eBook.
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