Did You Just Break Up by Mistake?

By Jeff Cohen, freelance writer (cohenwriting@aol.com)

Are you right in the middle of that emotional moment after a breakup? That moment when you and your partner just can’t take it anymore and choose to walk away? Maybe you even had a dramatic moment with one of you driving off or slamming the door shut. Or maybe the breakup was full of tears and emotion as one of you pleaded for one more chance.

Either way, the deed is done and now you’re left wondering if breaking up was the right thing to do. Maybe you’re even considering a reconciliation together. Before you pick up the phone and consider getting back together, ask yourself these five breakup questions. They’ll help you figure out if you really made the right decision or the biggest mistake of your life.

Question #1: Was this breakup caused by an isolated incident?

We’ve all been in situations where our partner says or does something and we have a knee-jerk reaction. Something like, “I can’t believe you just did that, it’s over.” If you’re in this situation is it possible you over-reacted? Could you be walking away over one incident at the expense of so many good things between you?

Just make sure you’re not making a decision in the heat of the moment. If this is the case, give it a few days before you act. Let the hurt from this isolated incident dissolve and your real feelings for your partner return.

Question #2: Is there someone else one or both of you want to date instead?

We’re not talking about infatuation here. This is not about breaking up for a one night stand with someone else. If that’s the case then you’re just falling into the trap of thinking the grass is greener with someone new.

But if one or both of you really has developed feelings for someone else, than that’s a pretty good sign that your hearts are not in this relationship anymore.

Question #3: Do you know the difference between big and small issues?

So what are you really dealing with in your relationship? Is it toilet seats left up and clothes strewn around the house or physical abuse and a serial cheater. There’s a big difference between little issues that pester any relationship and big issues that can destroy even the strongest relationship.

Double check what you’re really dealing with here and you’ll know whether or not this relationship can be salvaged.

Question #4: Is the breakup making you feel lonely?

If you’ve been in a relationship for awhile it gets comfortable and cozy to have someone around, particularly at night. It’s nice to have that good night kiss, maybe do a little spooning, and just spend your evenings with someone.

But if you’re looking to rekindle just to avoid the loneliness, stop right there. Have confidence in yourself that someone new will come along to be your night time companion.

Question #5: Do you understand your role in the breakup?

It’s easy to see your own perspective in a breakup. He was a real jerk. Or she treated me poorly. But 0% of breakups are really one sided. Even when someone cheats, there’s usually something behind it, something the cheater felt was lacking in their current relationship.

So before you consider that reconciliation make sure you understand what you need to change too. If you call back with a one-sided approach, it’s not going to go well.

Jeff Cohen is the author of the e-book, 30 Minute Guide to Online Dating. It's a must-read for anyone looking to master the art of online dating without wasting hours of valuable time. To learn more about the e-book and purchase a copy, please visit 30 Minute Guide to Online Dating.