The men in this article did not want their last names used.
By Lauren McLaughlin
"You have the most amazing smile I have ever seen and those eyes are intoxicating ... I could gaze into those eyes for hours ..."
Jennifer Eaton of Madison joined AmericasInternetDating.com because she wanted to know what men were looking for in women. Jennifer Eaton's online profile has elicited other messages like this one from online admirers, and many singles in the area like her are turning to the Internet to find friendship, love, or maybe simply to explore what makes the opposite sex tick.
When Eaton decided to sign up for AmericanSingles.com, one of the most popular online dating sites, it wasn't because she was hunting romance.
"I'm kind of wanting to get an idea of what men are looking for in women — what intrigues them."
At first, she didn't put a picture of herself on the site, a touch that AmericanSingles.com says will get you eight times more responses than if you don't have one.
"I'm not looking to date anyone," she said. "If I find one, hey, that's great — I found something I wasn't even looking for."
Shortly after joining, Eaton decided to see what kind of interest adding a picture would draw to her profile.
"I was amazed at the difference," she said.
Within three weeks, she had received 170 messages from men who wanted to get to know her. But she is cautious whom she talks to, and especially, whom she meets in person.
"People could put a 'pic' of their brother on there — you really don't know who you're talking to," Eaton said. "They can be anything they want to be. They can type anything they think you want to hear."
Of the 170 men who've contacted her, she's considering 10.
Despite her caution, Eaton doesn't let fear keep her from trying online dating.
"You can meet a psycho in a club just as much as you can online," she said.
Justin, 26, a former Decaturite who relocated to Birmingham and joined AmericanSingles.com to meet people in his area, said there are perks to meeting in cyberspace rather than in a social setting.
"You don't have to worry about timing," he said. "You don't have to worry about games."
He also said it takes the pressure off making a good first impression.
"It eliminates all that stuff, if you're shy."
But what if that great first impression doesn't match up with the person behind the screen? Eaton looks for red flags when reading profiles and chatting with a potential date on the site's instant messenger.
"There have been some offensive things, and I ignore those," she said.
How does one recognize the more subtle warning signs of a creep or a harmful person?
"Guys who don't know you, and are already ready to love you forever — they have a lot of insecurities or there is something wrong with them that they can't meet women," said Eaton.
Not only should you be careful when sizing up online prospects, but also be discreet when opening up to others.
"It's not a good idea, unless you know what you're doing and you're really careful," Eaton said.
She recalls a male friend in Philadelphia who got involved in online dating and sent money to a woman he thought was in need, only to find out she scammed him.
Eaton thinks people who are scamming will look for signs of desperation or naivete in your conversation.
Another friend of Eaton, Greg, whom she met online a few weeks ago, admits that he can be susceptible to this.
"The problem with me is I'm a very nice guy. When I feel like somebody's in trouble, I want to help them," he said.
Greg handles his uncertainty about meeting people the first time by driving to the date in separate cars, so he can "walk away from it, no harm done," he said. He and Eaton drove separately when they went out for the first time.
"She's been the most successful friendship so far because we've gone the extra step of actually meeting," he said.
Though he has met three others, they weren't as promising.
"The first one clued me in to the pitfalls of online dating," he said.
She didn't look like the picture she'd posted with her profile, nor did her personality match how she'd described herself.
"If you meet a person live, the first thing people see is whether or not there's an attraction," Greg explained. "Online there was, but at the front door, absolutely no attraction."
The two women who didn't work out haven't discouraged him.
"So far, I've met two others who were who they said they'd be."
Greg thinks women are more scrutinizing than men are when reading online profiles.
"We (men) just think, 'Hey, she's cute,' " he said.
Eaton reads profiles carefully so she'll get an idea of who the person is.
"I'm looking for real people," she said.
One major turn-off is seeing a man's profile picture with another woman in it.
"If you're trying to click with me, I don't want to see the last girl you dated," Eaton said.
Greg had a similar experience trying to click with an online prospect who he thinks was juggling too many men.
One woman who contacted him to confirm a date called Greg by another name. He wasn't offended by the tongue slip, although he felt she hadn't been honest. She'd been making excuses for not meeting him, saying she was shy and scared. Greg suspects she was trying to keep up with too many men at once.
Although Greg is talking to several people, he is not leading on anybody.
"I may be pushy, but I'm also honest," he said.
Honesty is important to Eaton as well. She joined AmericanSingles.com because she wanted to find out what men are looking for in women — not to find a serious relationship — which she believes is the best attitude for online dating.
"Go in it with an open mind, expecting the absolute worst. And if something good comes out of it, you're lucky," she said.
Eaton and Greg both live in Madison and now spend a significant amount of time together offline. But Eaton realizes they may have never met, if it weren't for the convenience of meeting online.
"There's a lot of interesting people out there, and they only live two miles down the street," she said.
For Justin, online dating also makes it easier to meet those interesting people.
"Everybody's a little more outgoing (online)," he said. "You already know up front what they're looking for."
And that's the way he likes it, especially since AmericanSingles.com has so many possibilities for him.
"I don't think they have that many ugly people on it," he said.
