I have been searching for my soul mate for a long time. I’ve loved several women deeply, but I always wonder is she is really the ONE or if I should keep looking. How will I know my soul mate when I find her?
Aloha,
I should disclose right from the start that I don’t believe in the concept of “soul mate.” I believe, instead, in “soul mates”—plural. I have seen many people lose a partner, to death, or divorce and feel totally lost as if there were no one else out there for them after their (only) “soul mate” was gone. In reality, with just a matter of time, most were able to find another life partner who held the same depth of connection, if not an even deeper one.
How cruel and sad it would be to have a life with only one possibility for true love on a planet with billions of people. That is quite a hit or miss proposition! In reality, we are able to feel a deep, soul-to-soul recognition with more than one person. Who we choose as our life partner can indeed be a soul mate, but not our only soul mate.
A soul mate is one whom our soul knows and has agreed to meet with body to body in life. Our heart feels the immediate connection when it recognizes one of our soul mates. In the movie, The Highlander, there are immortals wandering around among the other regular people. Whenever an immortal is within a close proximity to another immortal, they can feel the other’s presence. It works the same way with our soul mates. Sometimes it is just a glance of the eyes, a feeling, or a chemistry that is familiar or recognizable. You will feel her when she is near or get that jolt of recognition when you look into her eyes. However, keep in mind that just because she is one of your soul mates, that doesn’t mean that you are supposed to be with her.
We have free will and so do other people. Consequently, the path a soul mate takes in their life may not be in alignment with the path we have chosen to take in ours. It is then that our heads have to get involved to be sure we are making the right choice of which soul mate to have as our life partner. Monogamy is a matter of choice, not lack. We are faithful to our life partner not because there is only one person that we are attracted to or that we can love, but because we have chosen to be monogamous with them.
Ultimately, you can create a joyful, loving and lasting relationship with any number of people. So, when determining if “she is the ONE” it is important to look beyond just your physical chemistry or the recognition of one’s soul and determine if your life paths are aligned enough to move into a serious relationship. You need to make sure your values and circumstances are also compatible. For instance, when someone with whom you get that soul recognition of instant familiarity is already married, that is not someone whom you should be trying to get into a romantic relationship. Beyond the question of “Is she my soul mate,” you should also explore: Can we accept one another just the way we are and be happy? Can we support each other’s interests and aspirations? Can we cohabitate respectfully and comfortably? Are our values compatible?
Try not to get caught up in the trap of “the grass will always be greener in someone else’s yard.” Once you have settled in and are happy, water your own lawn, make it thrive and grow.
I wish you the best,
With Aloha,
Eve
Intellectual Foreplay Question of the Week: What do you consider the qualities or definition of a soul mate to be?
Love Tip of the Week: The concept of ONE great love is a myth. Rejoice in your capacity to love everyone and choose who you are going to be sole mates with.
