1. Spend some
time getting to know yourself.
Use your Advice for Me report from your
TRUE
Compatibility Test to do some thinking
about what makes you “you.” This doesn't
necessarily mean hours of reflection
(although some of that is good as well).
You can also learn a lot more about who
you are by getting out in the world and
doing things. Meet people, take up
hobbies, volunteer – you'll discover
much about the world and reinforce your
own sense of self at the same time. Get
involved in your life!
2. Act.
When you're feeling insecure or doubting
your abilities, don't hide away. Take a
deep breath, get out there, and do the
very things you're unsure about ... even
if you have to start small. If, for
example, you want to act in a play, but
you're not sure you can do it, why not
sign up for a very small part? You'll
build your confidence.
3. Conquer fear: take risks.
Sometimes life requires a small "leap of
faith." You'll feel good that you took
some risks, even if they don't always
work out as well as you hope. At least
you can say you tried!
4. Stand up for yourself.
Low self-esteem often leads to lack of
assertiveness; and when we don't voice
what we want and need, we end up feeling
worse about who we are. Build your
assertiveness skills, and it will get
easier in time.
5. Set personal goals.
Decide where you'd like to go, and make
a reasonable, yet challenging, plan to
get there. Set deadlines and a system of
rewards to keep you going. (A goal, by
the way, doesn't have to be a huge life
decision, like "become a doctor". It can
be anything you want to have in your
life, like "Make one new friend" or
"Learn to make jam.")
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6. Learn from – but let go of –
mistakes.
Absolutely everyone, no matter how
perfect they may seem, messes up from
time to time. This is how we learn –
like the process of learning to walk as
children. If we don't stumble, we don't
learn how to keep our balance. Keep this
in mind as you venture out into the
world. Be gentle with yourself.
7. Do things on your own – don't rely
on others to make you feel good.
One potential trap of a shaky
self-esteem is dependency on others. The
real truth is, if you feel a void
inside, no one can fill it but you.
While healthy relationships are
important for happiness, more important
is the relationship we have with
ourselves.
8. Don't compare yourself to others.
You may look at someone and think they
have something you don't, but the fact
is they may be looking at you and
thinking the very same thing. Someone
may be better than you are at tennis,
for example, but you can tell a much
better joke. Judge yourself by your own
standards, for you are unique!
9. Associate with people who affirm
who you are.
Do you have toxic relationships with
people who criticize you or make you
feel small? Take a good look at the
people you surround yourself with and
how they affect your self-esteem.
10. Learn to say "no."
You will be surprised how much simpler
it is than you think. When you really
can't or don't want to do something, say
so. (In, of course, a polite and
non-aggressive manner.)
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11. Practice truthfulness.
Avoid white lies. We often fib because
we think we are sparing feelings or
making things easier, but dishonesty
only ends up making us feel bad about
ourselves. Don't present a false face.
12. Practice positive affirmations .
Write down 5 or 10 things you really
like about yourself. And next time a
negative thought pops into your mind,
replace it with something positive.
13. Find things you enjoy.
Whether it's sewing, drawing, swimming
or karate, hobbies are a big self-esteem
booster. Even if we are not experts,
doing something for the pleasure and
challenge builds our sense of who we
are.
14. Use visualization techniques.
If you're anxious or doubtful about your
ability to do something (ask your boss
for a raise or compete in a marathon,
for example), practice visualizing that
moment in detail. Imagine yourself
pulling it off smoothly. It'll lower
your fear and boost your confidence.
15. Enhance your ability to cope with
stress.
It's not so easy to believe in yourself
if you're stressed out. Develop a
repertoire of strategies for calming
your spirit and incorporate them into
your life as much as possible (like
reading a good book, talking to friends,
riding a horse or taking a bubble bath).
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16. Shun perfectionism.
Interestingly, there is a high
correlation between perfectionism and
low self-esteem. The more you strive to
be perfect, the more frustrated you
become when you realize it's impossible!
Be aware of any perfectionist tendencies
you have and keep them in check.
17. Make a list of your
accomplishments.
Include anything that made you feel good
about yourself, without thinking about
whether it is technically an
"accomplishment" or not. (Your ability
to relate to children, your chess
talent, the amazing cookies you make,
the great short story you wrote.) Refer
to it whenever you need a boost.
18. Live in the moment.
The more time you spend dwelling on the
past or worrying about the future, the
more of the present you are wasting.
Life is NOW, and you should get out
there and embrace it.
19. Do things for others.
It's easy to get wrapped up in your own
little world and forget that there are
people out there who are in need. Give
to others (your time, company, whatever
you have to share) and you'll find
yourself feeling better about yourself.
20. Take care of yourself physically.
Eat well, get enough sleep, kick nasty
habits and get some exercise. Treat your
body like it deserves to be treated!
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