By Jeff Cohen, freelance writer (cohenwriting@aol.com)
Every year on Thanksgiving families gather to carve the turkey, saver some cranberry sauce, scoop the stuffing, and feast on pumpkin pie. You probably have fond memories of spending year after year at your parent’s house or at a relative’s house.
But now you’re in a relationship and the landscape has changed. It’s no longer just about your family. You have to consider your partner’s family too. This can either go smoothly or cause tremendous relationship tension. So before you pour the gravy, cover these three Thanksgiving issues and it will be smooth sailing on Turkey Day.
Thanksgiving Issue #1 – Where will you actually spend the holiday this year?
In the past it may have been a given you’d spend the holiday with your family. However, a relationship throws that in doubt. One of you may be forced to spend the holiday away from your family for the first time, especially if the two families live in far away cities. Sure there may be a way to celebrate Thursday with one family and Friday with the other. But even then, who gets the real holiday, and who dines on leftovers?
In these cases you really have two choices. Either you can work out a rotation where you spend alternating years with each family. Or you can merge the two families if you believe they’ll get along. Whatever you do, just talk it through with everyone involved to make sure no feelings are hurt along the way.
Thanksgiving Issue #2 – Are there any family members that could cause a raucous?
You know whom I’m talking about… that eccentric uncle Samuel. Sure, when you were growing up he was kind of funny. But now he just plain creeps you out. If this is the case, he may also creep out your partner who has never met him before. So be sure to prep your partner for any unusual relatives.
There also may be some family issues that tend to come up over Thanksgiving. Does someone have a drinking problem? Do two relatives not get along whenever they’re together? Does a distant aunt pepper newcomers with uncomfortable questions? Whatever might cause an issue is worth telling your partner in advance. Ask them to do the same for you in preparation for their family too.
Thanksgiving Issue #3 – Do any separations or divorces complicate the holiday?
It’s one thing when you have two families to balance. But what if one or both parents are separated or divorced? Now you may be balancing three or even four families for Thanksgiving. Remember, it’s not your fault your folks or your partner’s folks didn’t stay together. But that doesn’t mean they won’t put pressure on you to pick them for the holiday.
Once you have this many families to juggle it can be nearly impossible to make everyone happy. Some couples have dinner with one family and then travel to another for dessert. It’s not optimal but it can be effective if families live close together. You also may be forced to see people from Thursday through Sunday just to fit in all the families.
Jeff Cohen is the author of the e-book, 30 Minute Guide to Online Dating. It's a must-read for anyone looking to master the art of online dating without wasting hours of valuable time. To learn more about the e-book and purchase a copy, please visit Online Dating eBook.
