By Jeff Cohen, freelance writer (cohenwriting@aol.com)
You would be amazed how many questions I get about long distance relationships. Sometimes people are giving me details and asking if I think they’ll make it as a couple. Other times people know they’re in love but the distance between them is causing a strain in the relationship.
If there is one thing I’ve learned about long distance relationships… it’s that they have to end at some point. Either the couple breaks up and it’s over or the couple move to the same city and give the relationship a real shot. Whichever path the couple chooses, one thing is always the same… the long distance aspect of the relationship ends.
So anytime I counsel someone on a long distance relationship, I always start by asking if the couple is working toward living in the same city? Otherwise, what’s the ultimate game plan? Is the couple trying to have a long distance relationship for eternity? Now, I fully understand that relocating to a new city is a difficult decision, so I’ve compiled ten questions to ask yourself before making the commitment.
Question #1 – Will you move to a brand new city together or will one of you move to the other’s city? You’ve got to talk this through as one or both of you will be giving up your current lifestyle.
Question #2 – Does your relationship have what it takes to last when you live in the same city and can spend more time together? Some relationships work well because the couple only spends three days per month together. Is that true for your relationship?
Question #3 – Are you in an exclusive relationship or currently seeing other people? Many couples stay casual during the long distance years. Will this continue or stop when you share a zip code?
Question #4 – Will relocating fix everything that is straining the relationship? Make a list right now of what’s wrong in your relationship. Is it just the distance or a laundry list of problems?
Question #5 – Will you live together in the same city or maintain separate residences? Just because you move to the same city it doesn’t mean you’ll automatically move in together.
Question #6 – Will it still feel like a long distance relationship even if you live in the same city? Does one of you have a job that requires extensive travel? If so, then maybe living in the same city won’t actually cure the long distance feel of the relationship.
Question #7 – Have you discussed how the relationship would change once the distance is a thing of the past? Your relationship was likely built on late night phone calls, emails, and Internet chatting. Now it will be about time spent face-to-face.
Question #8 – Would you have dated this person if you lived in the same city when you originally met? Is it possible that the fact you couldn’t get together very often is driving your interest in this person? If so, maybe moving closer together will hurt the relationship.
Question #9 – Is there a game plan once you move to the same city? Is the big move part of a grander engagement and marriage plan or are these conversations off the table for now?
Question #10 – What are you giving up if you’re the one relocating? You may be about to give up a good job, great friends, and a loving family. Think long and hard before you sacrifice all of that for a relationship.
Jeff Cohen is the author of the e-book, 30 Minute Guide to Online Dating. It's a must-read for anyone looking to master the art of online dating without wasting hours of valuable time. To learn more about the e-book and purchase a copy, please visit Online Dating eBook.
