Ending Your "Perfect" Criteria
by Eve Eschner Hogan
I recently received a letter from a man who said he had been searching online for the “perfect woman for him” for a full year and hadn’t been able to find her until one day a woman contacted him. They were both amazed that they had so much in common, including the year-long online search. Curious as to why neither of them had come up in either of their searches until now, they compared notes on their search criterion.
What they discovered was that she had only found him when she increased the age range that she desired to include men slightly younger than her (he was a year younger). They then discovered that he had never found her in his searches because she was half an inch shorter than his height search criteria. They had missed each other by half an inch and a year!
If your online search hasn’t yielded the results that you want, reconsider your criteria and expand it in the areas that aren’t set in stone. This is actually a good reminder in general. Often we get caught in deciding, in advance what “our type” is and rather than using that description to help us find our match, we use it to eliminate a lot of great possibilities. Take the time to think through how you consciously or unconsciously would finish this sentence, “I only date people who…” or “My type is…”
While having a clear picture of what you want is a great way to recognize “him” or “her,” it is wise to go back and look at your “type criteria” to see if it is really important to you, or just some conjured up image in your head. Do you imagine yourself with a blond? What if the perfect woman for you is brunette? Do you imagine yourself with someone tall? What if the guy with the best personality is just a bit shorter than your “fantasy man”?
I receive complaints from men and women that say they are still active and vital for their age, but are eliminated by someone’s arbitrary search criteria that automatically rules them out. In addition, sometimes a person’s height to weight ratio looks far more attractive and proportionate in person than it sounds “on paper.”
Determine which of your criteria are really important to you—perhaps religion, location, children—and which one’s aren’t quite as important—perhaps weight, height or age, and expand the boundaries of your search for better results!
© Eve Hogan is a relationship advisor, inspirational speaker and author of “Intellectual Foreplay: Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be,” “Virtual Foreplay: Making Your Online Relationship a Real-Life Success,” “Way of the Winding Path: A Map for the Labyrinth of Life,” and coauthor of “Rings of Truth.” Her next book, “How to Love Your Marriage: Making Your Closest Relationship Work” will be released in Feb. 2006.
www.EveHogan.com
Eve@AskEveAdvice.com |
