Let’s face it: There’s so much dating advice out there it’s not funny: What to say; what not to say; how to act and when; do this, and oh-my-god, never do that! You can go nuts trying to remember it all, and it can make what should be a natural and exciting experience too confusing and just not fun anymore.
But you can keep it simple: There is one thing, and one thing only you have to do on a first date. It’s a question that you must ask, but here’s the catch: It’s not a question you ask your date!
We’re so focused outward; we’re so worried about how we’re coming across to someone; about speaking and acting in ways that are pleasing and acceptable, that we forget all about ourselves! So the one question you must ask on a first date is a question you ask of yourself, and it is this:
What is it exactly that I am feeling with this person? And that’s it. Take a moment, sometime during the dinner, the decaf, or the drink, and ask yourself: Am I comfortable with this person? Do I feel attracted? Turned off? Anxious? And if I’m anxious, am I more, or less, anxious than I usually fell? Are you feeling safe? Excited? Is something telling you you’re less than happy here? Pay particular attention to uncomfortable, unpleasant, or unwanted feelings or sensations. They may be the most valuable of all. Also, allow for the fact that you may be feeling more than one thing.
This is called “Making I-Contact”, and it’s much more important than any “eye contact” you may make during your date! The reason? Feelings are information! It’s funny, but the answer to the question “Who is this person I’m sitting across from?!” can best be found on your side of the table! Therefore, knowing what you feel, positive and negative (and it’s often a mix), towards someone will take you a long way towards knowing how -- and whether – to proceed with this person.
For more information (like about how to know what to make of the feelings you’re having) and further dating advice, go to: www.TheRelationShop.com.
