Sooner or later you’ll be on the wrong end of a break up. It would be nice if all break ups were mutual or you were the one ending things. But odds are your heart will be broken by someone. If and when it happens you can choose to drop the shades, curl up on the couch, and watch old movies for six months. Or you can learn these five secrets to getting your life back together, moving on, and hopefully finding someone new.
1) Avoid the yo-yo relationship Sometimes when it’s over, it’s really over. But sometimes, you break up, get back together, and repeat it all over again. If you know in your heart it’s really over, then accept the ending and look for closure. It can be tempting to still hook up here and there, you may even think there’s a chance it will rekindle the relationship. However, it’s just as likely to play with your feelings and prevent you from moving on. So if you know it’s over, avoid the short term pleasure of some intimacy for the long term gain of clearing your mind and moving on.
2) Write it out Your telephone often becomes a best friend after a break up. You’re calling your friends and family, dissecting every last detail of the break up. That’s okay, after all, isn’t that what friends and family are for? They’re people you can rely on in your time of need. Sooner or later though, your stories will get old and your family and friends will feel it’s all you talk about. Do yourself a favor, buy a journal, and write it all out. Write down what went well, what you liked about your partner, how the relationship turned sour, what role you played in the break up and what you learned. You may find that putting your feelings to paper finally releases the pain from your system.
3) Pick up a new hobby Have you wanted to try a cooking class? Do you have a talent for arts and crafts but never put the skills to work? While you may be saddened by having more of your weekends free, it can be a great time to learn a new skill. You’ll have something to look forward to and may even meet some new people. If you’re really lucky, there will even be a cute guy or girl in the class. Either way, you’ll be out of your house, feeling normal again, and that’s half the battle in moving forward.
4) Reconnect with old friends Admit it. In the course of your relationship, you didn’t keep in touch with your friends as often as you would have liked. You might even feel ashamed to pick up the phone after several months, reach out to an old friend, and reconnect. The good news is that the friend will likely be happy to hear from you. Use the time between relationships to get reacquainted with long lost friends.
5) Get back on the horse You don’t have to jump right back into a serious relationship, but you can certainly start casually dating again. Join some online dating sites, attend a singles event, or go away with friends to a resort. You’ll get yourself back in the game and realize you’ve still got what it takes to attract someone new.
In the end, getting over a break up is all about closure and moving forward. Try these five tips and you’ll be on your way to putting that break up behind you.
Jeff Cohen is the author of the e-book, 30 Minute Guide to Online Dating. It's a must-read for anyone looking to master the art of online dating without wasting hours of valuable time. To learn more about the e-book and purchase a copy, please visit Online Dating eBook.
