I’d Love You If You Could Just Fix This One Big Thing

By Jeff Cohen, freelance writer (cohenwriting@aol.com)

You look at your partner and you see so much potential. You think “I could spend a lifetime with this person.” Unfortunately, there’s this one big thing that’s preventing you from fully letting yourself dive into the relationship.

What exactly is the one big thing? Well, it varies from relationship to relationship. It could be a drinking problem, depression, gambling addiction, financial woes, unemployment, or anything else that has the ability to destroy even the healthiest relationship.

Your partner is aware of the issue but to date has done nothing to improve the situation. You’re at your wits end as you really believe you could be the perfect couple but not if this issue remains squarely in front of your relationship. Before you walk out the door, follow these three steps to give it one last chance. You’ll either swing the relationship back in the positive direction or be able to walk away knowing you did everything to make it work.

Step 1: Make sure your partner knows you’re willing to walk over this issue
Up until now your partner has known that this issue bothers you but do they understand you’ll actually leave them over it? Probably not. Now is the time to be perfectly clear. You need to explain that if the drinking, gambling, etc. does not end you’re willing to throw away this relationship. If you’re lucky, you won’t even have to advance to steps two and three as your partner will wake up and realize exactly what’s at stake here. Unfortunately, many of these issues and problems are not so simple to conquer. Your partner may want to get better but feel helpless to beat their demons. That’s why the only purpose of step one is to make sure your partner understands the gravity of the situation.

Step 2: Offer up something you’re willing to improve about yourself
Nobody likes hearing about his or her downside. We’re naturally programmed to seek approval and positive reinforcement and shy away from negative comments. So be prepared for your partner to take your step one proclamation defensively. That’s why it becomes more palatable if you can couple your ultimatum with an offering of your own. Ask them what needs to get better about you and commit to improving your development area at the same time. If you’re working as a team the odds are better of success. You’ll also avoid ending up in this judgmental position, which is unhealthy for couples.

Step 3: Set a timetable and measurable goals to check on your progress together
If your partner promises to get better it’s certainly a nice gesture. But what exactly does that mean? How will you measure success and know things have actually improved? There needs to be actual steps and action items, along with due dates for getting it done. That’s the only way to know in a tangible fashion if in fact things have gotten better or worse. Write these goals, steps, and due dates down so you each can see them and know exactly what you’re working toward as a couple.

Follow these three steps and you’ll be on your way to ridding your relationship of the one thing that has the potential to destroy you. When you think of it that way, these three steps may be the most important you ever take as a couple.

Jeff Cohen is the author of the e-book, 30 Minute Guide to Online Dating. It's a must-read for anyone looking to master the art of online dating without wasting hours of valuable time. To learn more about the e-book and purchase a copy, please visit 30 Minute Guide to Online Dating.