How Many People Have You Slept With?
By Jeff Cohen, freelance writer (cohenwriting@aol.com)
The relationship is progressing. You’re feeling like there’s real potential. You’re actually getting excited for your next date. You can’t remember the last time you felt this way about anyone. All of a sudden, your partner drops that fateful question, “How many people have you slept with?”
The question drifts in the air between you causing your first uncomfortable silence. You quickly rack your brain. Should you lie? Is your real number higher or lower than your partner? What will your partner think if your number is exceptionally high or low?
After a failed attempt to change the subject and talk about sports, the weather, vacations, or anything but sex, the question still lingers, “How many people have you slept with?”
Have no fear, there’s no reason to let this uncomfortable subject derail a great relationship with real potential. Follow these three tips and you’ll get through the sexual count conversation with minimal relationship damage.
1) Share Similar Details
Before you review the play-by-play account of every sexual conquest, check with your partner on the level of detail you each want to share and hear. If one of you just wants the grand total while the other is interested in every last kiss and back rub, you’re in for a long night.
Instead, agree up front if you’ll just share numbers or get into prior relationships and what specifically happened with each ex-partner. By sharing comparable information, you’ll each be giving and getting the same level of detail.
2) Be Cozy
The sexual history conversation can get emotional but that doesn’t mean it should cause a fight. Remember, before you got into this topic, you were enjoying a comfortable, romantic date together.
Instead of facing-off against each other across the table like a debate club meeting, sit next to each other. Also, hold hands or interlock your legs to communicate closeness. It will remind your partner that he or she is all that matters now and the past is the past.
3) Be Honest
Okay, if you slept with 146 people before coming across your current partner, it can be tempting to lie. However, if you lie now and the relationship really progresses, you’re in for some pain down the road when you come clean.
People can handle more than you might think. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt and be honest from the get-go. If they really love you, then the total count won’t matter. Besides, your partner may surprise you too with a high count of their own.
The same holds true by the way if your count is low or if you’re a virgin. The anxiety over admitting the truth is probably much worse than how your partner will handle the information.
In the end, if the two of you can agree to be fair, be cozy, and be honest, you’re bound to get through the sexual conversation and continue to move forward with your relationship. There’s no reason to let your past, or that of your partner, get in the way of what could be a solid future together.
Jeff Cohen is the author of the e-book, 30 Minute Guide to Online Dating. It's a must-read for anyone looking to master the art of online dating without wasting hours of valuable time. To learn more about the e-book and purchase a copy, please visit Online Dating eBook.
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