Introducing the Children to Your Partner
By Jeff Cohen, freelance writer (cohenwriting@aol.com)
Single parents of young children know it can be difficult to introduce a new mother or father figure into their lives. In many cases, children don’t want to “share” their single parent with anyone, particularly a replacement mother or father. So what’s the best way to introduce a date to your kids and when is it appropriate to do so? Here’s everything you need to know to make a smooth introduction and give your children the best possible chances of accepting the new romantic person in your life.
While there’s no perfect time to make the introduction, you can start by establishing your date as a new friend in your life. Young children understand friendship a lot better than romance. Plus, since you don’t know if the date will evolve into a stable relationship, it can confuse your children to insinuate a loving relationship prematurely.
Beyond calling your date a friend, it’s also important to protect your children from forming attachments to your date too soon. Your children have already seen one father or mother figure leave the nest, it could be heartbreaking to see it happen again. So keep boundaries at the beginning in case your new romance never blossoms beyond a casual relationship.
Also, make clear to your children that there’s no competition between your love for them and your feelings for your new significant other. Spend the quality time assuring your kids that your love for them is a constant and it’s impossible for a “new friend” to diminish that love in any way.
When you do start to introduce your significant other, refrain from parental responsibilities too soon. Instead, put your partner and children in friendship situations, say a movie or picnic. Until you’re more confident that your partner will develop into a long lasting relationship there’s no reason to make your children take-on a parent/child relationship from the start.
It’s also important to be honest with your children. They may have questions along the way and misleading them or outright lying will only cause confusion down the road. For example, if your children want to know if you’re planning to marry this new person, answer the question to the best of your ability based on how you feel about your partner. Young children always appreciate honesty from a parent and it grows trust in their lives.
Be on the lookout for partners who express an interest too soon in building a relationship with your children. While it’s great to see the relationship developing between your date and children, sometimes people don’t have the best intentions. For example, is it possible your date is only showing interest in the children to become more intimate with you? A date that comes across as a caring parental figure, only to disappear in a few weeks, will cause ultimate confusion for your kids.
In the end, you know your children best and that means you know the right time to start making introductions. Following these tips can help make the transition as easy as possible and save you, your date, and your children from the discomfort that often comes with getting to know a new romantic partner.
Jeff Cohen is the author of the e-book, 30 Minute Guide to Online Dating. It's a must-read for anyone looking to master the art of online dating without wasting hours of valuable time. To learn more about the e-book and purchase a copy, please visit Online Dating eBook.
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