How Can You Tell if He’s the One?
By Jeff Cohen, freelance writer (cohenwriting@aol.com)
You’re in a great relationship. You’ve both said “I love you” and are talking about the future. All of a sudden you start to get nervous. You ask yourself those tough questions, like “Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with this person?” and “Can I see this guy as the father of my children?”
Before you take the plunge and get engaged, ask yourself these five questions. It will help you determine if your guy is the one or just one of many.
1) Are there any deal breakers?
Your desire to be together may or may not compromise your judgment on potential deal breakers. Are there any important issues you haven’t faced that could prevent your happiness together? If so, now is the time to discuss these issues, not after you walk down the aisle. It may be painful now, but it just might prevent a divorce down the road.
2) Do you have a relationship philosophy together?
A relationship philosophy is like a game plan for life. Have you discussed career, family, religion, love, health, etc? It’s important to make sure you’re on the same page with what you want together next year, in five years, and in twenty years. If you’re not heading down the same path together, then you’ll ultimately grow apart.
3) Have you made peace with his flaws?
Nobody’s perfect, we all know that. At the same time, some bad qualities are easier to deal with than others. Leaving the toilet seat up is one thing, needing to flirt with every girl in the bar is another. Take an honest look at his flaws that get under your skin. If you haven’t made peace with them, it’s time to talk. If he is not planning on changing, then you need to decide if you can live with these flaws in the long term.
4) Is there someone else who has your heart?
It may be tough to admit this, but does anyone else in your life have a hold on your heart more than the guy you’re with? If so, will you be able to walk down the aisle with one person while you have feelings for someone else? To answer this question, take a moment for yourself and see which guy pops in your head first. This is the guy that probably has your heart. If that’s not the guy you’re about to get engaged to, then you have a problem.
5) Does he make you feel better or worse about yourself?
A great guy makes you feel like the best possible version of yourself. The wrong guy causes insecurity and a lack of confidence. If your guy isn’t making you feel good about yourself, ask why that’s happening? Is there an unhealthy aspect to your relationship that’s giving him too much power? Does he not respect you the way he should? If he’s not making you feel great about who you are and what you have to offer, then you’ll likely resent him down the road.
Now that you’ve asked yourself these five questions, hopefully you have a better sense of whether or not he’s really the one. If he is, then it’s time to put away those doubts and move forward together. If he’s not the one, then it’s time to make some tough decisions and meet someone new.
Jeff Cohen is the author of the e-book, 30 Minute Guide to Online Dating. It's a must-read for anyone looking to master the art of online dating without wasting hours of valuable time. To learn more about the e-book and purchase a copy, please visit Online Dating eBook.
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