Your relationship is going great. You can just feel the momentum building with each date you share together. Sooner or later, the big question comes up, should you live together? While no longer carrying two rents or mortgages can seem enticing, there are some issues you need to resolve before taking the plunge.
Make the time to discuss these issues and you’re sure to have a smooth transition under one roof. Avoid these topics and they’ll arise down the road anyway, but it might be too late.
The Finances
Depending on the stage of your relationship, you may currently be sharing expenses and a bank account, or keeping your finances separate. Before you take-on a joint mortgage or rent, who will be paying? Will you split it down the middle or prorate the expense based on your respective incomes? Or will one of you pay the entire expense?
Beyond the rent or mortgage, you’ll also now be sharing telephone, cable, utility and other related expenses. Make sure you’re on the same page with these expenses too as they can add up to as much as the monthly rent or mortgage.
The Future
Depending on your religious, spiritual, or personal beliefs, you may or may not believe you should be engaged or married before sharing living space. If you both feel the same about this topic, then there’s no problem. But what if one of you wants to be engaged first, and the other doesn’t care?
Before you start the search for a new place together, have a discussion about your expectations. Also, talk about your respective families who may or may not have strong opinions on the need to be engaged or married before living together.
The Relationship
On the plus side, you’ll no longer have the discussion about “my place or yours.” However, living together changes the dynamic of your relationship. Since you’ll always end the night at the same address, you’ll have to coordinate when you’ll each be home every night.
You’ll also notice some idiosyncrasies and perhaps a few odd habits in your partner that you never saw before. Maybe their flossing style will annoy you, or how they leave clothes on the floor. Show a little patience and understanding, we all have a few habits that would get on anyone’s nerves.
The Reason
Make sure you’re moving in together for the right reasons. If you’re truly in love and see a future together, that’s a great reason to live together. If you’re just trying to save money or think it will create a long term commitment, then you’re being set up for failure.
Ask yourself the real reason why you’re taking this big step together and make sure it’s the right reason.
In the end, living together can be one of the most rewarding steps in your relationship. With some quality communication and forethought, you can make sure this step builds on your relationship and brings you closer together.
Jeff Cohen is the author of the e-book, 30 Minute Guide to Online Dating. It's a must-read for anyone looking to master the art of online dating without wasting hours of valuable time. To learn more about the e-book and purchase a copy, please visit Online Dating eBook order page.
