Intellectual Foreplay Question of the Week: Are you willing to do the work to raise your self-esteem?
Self-Esteem Tip of the Week: Consider what would you do differently if you had just five percent more self-esteem? Generate a list of things you would start doing, and things you would stop doing. Then, generate a list of things you need to do to raise your self-esteem that 5 percent. The irony is that you’ll likely have the exact same things on your list. Moral of the story? Just do it!
Just Do It!
When it comes to raising self-esteem, start with changing your thoughts or changing your actions…the point is start!
Aloha Eve,
I read your column recently about why it is people stay in relationships with people they don't even like, and I agree with you that it's really all about your own sense of value, or self esteem. Sure, we'd all like to have a strong sense of self, and not need the validation of anyone else in the world. That all sounds great... but how do you do it? I would greatly appreciate some advice with some real day-to-day actions we could do to achieve this goal.
Aloha,
Your question is why I write books and offer workshops and coaching, as it is challenging to say everything in a short column. It is always my hope that the readers will be inspired to begin their personal journey in self-discovery—going to workshops, reading books, listening to tapes, journaling, walking the labyrinth, etc. Self-mastery is your most important job because it affects everything in your life, so this is not to be taken lightly. While self-esteem impacts what you do, what you do also impacts your self-esteem. The following daily actions will help you get started. Create a personal daily ritual and make it a priority.
Self-observe: If you do nothing else but begin to pay attention to what you are doing, saying and thinking, you will be able to begin to make important changes. Observation brings awareness. Awareness allows you to evaluate what is working and what isn’t, and lets you see that you have choices. Choices equal power because when you make new more powerful choices, you create more powerful results. As you recognize your own personal power over your life, your self-esteem will increase. Practice self-observation all the time—especially when you are not feeling good about something. How are you feeling? What are you thinking that is causing you to feel that way? Is what you’re thinking accurate? Do you know that it is true? What are you doing? Allow self-observation to be the beginning step to changing what you are doing when what you are doing isn’t serving you.
Retraining your Self-Talk: When you find that you are saying negative things to yourself, begin telling yourself new, empowering messages. Notice the beliefs that are embedded in your self-talk, including your beliefs about relationships. When you are bombarding yourself with beliefs like, “I’ll never find love,” or “All men are cheaters,” or “I don’t deserve love”, you are self-sabotaging. Choose new beliefs that serve you, rather than hinder you. Begin validating yourself. You will never be able to truly receive validation from others unless you know your own value. Therefore, acknowledge your strengths, skills and positive actions daily.
Taking aligned action: In order to “be who you really are,” you need to know who you really are. Identify your values—figure out what you really, deeply believe in and make sure your actions reflect those values. This begins with self-exploration and self-inquiry. Start journaling and then studying the way you think and the choices you make. Commit to taking actions that lead toward your goals—with integrity.
Do the Mirror Exercise: This sounds silly, but it works so try it! Every morning and evening (for at least a month) look into the mirror, into your own eyes and start telling yourself what you like, love and appreciate about yourself. Look for your good qualities instead of bombarding yourself with negativity and acknowledgment of your flaws. As you look for your goodness, your self-esteem will strengthen such that your automatic self-talk will begin to switch to positive talk instead of negative.
These actions steps are great places to start. I wish you the best!
