Meeting someone new and going on that first date can be fraught with anxiety—primarily over how to keep the conversation going and flowing. Practicing Intellectual Foreplay can help!
Intellectual Foreplay is the preparation for a relationship through the stimulating process of getting to know another person by asking and answering questions—an excellent way of exploring each other through conversation! Here are some tips to help you!
1. On a first date, keep it light and fun! A little forethought can go a long, long way. Think about what you love to do, what activities you would love to share with someone else and start your conversations there. It helps a lot if you pose the question, answer it yourself, and then ask your date. For instance, “What do you like to do in your spare time? I enjoy scuba diving, reading and art projects, what about you?” By approaching the question in this way, you have shared something about yourself and will likely learn something about him/her, as well.
2. Avoid “yes/no” questions. The way you pose the question can make a big difference in the kind of response you get.
3. Evoke your natural curiosity. When he/she tells you something, ask questions about what they shared to yield more information and conversation. “You like to scuba dive? Where have you been diving? What is the neatest thing you’ve seen?”
4. As you get to know each other better and are more comfortable, begin to weave in questions that reveal your and your date’s values. “If you had to sum up yourself in two to five words, what words would you choose? I think mine would be, love, laughter, devotion, friendship and family. What about you?” Then, listen carefully for the answer—not for right or wrong answers, but answers that are a complimentary match for you!
5. Know what your “non-negotiables” are—non-negotiables are those issues on which you are unwilling to negotiate. For many non-negotiable issues are religion, children, substance abuse, etc. By taking some time to determine what you are willing to negotiate on and those you are not, you will be better equipped to determine your match.
