Intellectual Foreplay Question of the Week: How willing are you to try new things?
Love Tip of the Week: Always remember that most single people want other single people to show their interest. If you approach them from the perspective that you are giving them something instead of trying to get something, you can transform the energy of the whole encounter.
Dear Eve,
I just started dating again after I lost my wife thirteen years ago to cancer. I don't now how to get back in the dating scene, but I’m trying. If you can give some help, that would be real nice. Thank you.
Aloha,
Thirteen years is a long time to wait before dating; long enough to make anyone a little nervous about how to go about it. Congratulations on making the first steps.
There are a couple of things for you to ponder, if you haven’t already, because every bit of clarity you have will serve you as you go forth. I encourage you to actually write these things down. First, what kind of relationship are you ready for and looking for at this point? Do you want to get married again? How much time do you have for a relationship? Do you just want to date casually? Are you interested in monogamy or dating several people?
Secondly, what qualities are you looking for in a partner? For the most part, we all want someone who is kind, honest, friendly, etc, but you may also want someone who is physically active, who enjoys sci-fi movies, sports and ballroom dancing. Think about how you like to spend your time and what you would hope a partner would enjoy doing, as well. Thirdly, think through what you have to offer as a partner. Describe yourself. Are you outgoing or shy? Adventurous? Affectionate? How do you like to spend your time? What are your hobbies? The more you know about what you are looking for, what you have to offer and what kind of relationship you are interested in, the better your chances are of manifesting what you want.
I also recommend that you let your friends know that you are ready to start dating again. Often our friends have other friends that share common interests and are a good source of introductions. Then, begin noticing who you are drawn to and strike up a conversation. Simple compliments or non-threatening questions are a great way to start.
Online dating has become a new phenomenon in the realm of dating since you were last in the “scene.” This is an easy way to get back into the dating world, can be done to any extent you are comfortable and utilizes the questions that you have pondered above. The first step is to log onto a site and just search around a bit. You can do an initial search for women in your area and age range just to see how it all works without any commitment. If you see anyone that you would like to start a conversation with, depending on the site, joining as a member of offers you the best opportunity for making contact. On Dreammates and SingleMe where I am the relationship advisor, when you are a paid member you can write personal messages, but if not a member, you can still post a free profile and other members will be able to start a conversation with you.
Two of the keys to online dating are the quality of your profile and your picture. Your picture should be upclose, clear and current. Be sure to include the answers to the above questions in your essay questions. The more you share, the more recognizable you will be to a potential partner. Then, start sending introductory messages to those ladies that intrigue you. Realize this is a bit of a “numbers game,” so don’t expect immediate results with everyone you reach out to, but do expect results! Over 25 million singles are dating online in the United States alone, so you will be surprised at the potential of this avenue.
