Intellectual Foreplay Question of the Week: What do you look for in someone else?
Older Man Seeks Younger Woman
But why would they seek him?
Dear Eve,
I am a fifty-something male, recently divorced, but separated for quite some time. I am exploring online dating for the first time and am definitely looking for a younger lady in her early to mid forties. I have much to offer; I workout and am fit, financially independent, settled, easy going and looking for a serious relationship. Dating is so foreign to me that I am actually scared to approach a lady and am not sure how to open a conversation. Once started, I am a good conversationalist and can hold my own on most subjects. How important is a picture when seeking a relationship with a younger woman? Are most women open to entering into a relationship with an older man?
Thank you for your help.
Aloha,
A picture is really important, not so much to meet a "younger woman" but to meet any woman through online dating. The picture communicates much more than whether you are handsome or not; it lets her know whether you look kind, friendly, and trustworthy—or scary, dangerous, and possessed. A picture will help her to know whether there is even a chance of being attracted to you should you meet in person. If, for whatever reason, you are not willing to post a photo on your profile, describe yourself physically in your essay question space and offer to send a picture my email once communication has been established. My guess is that it is far less likely that you would want to pursue a relationship or even a meeting with a woman if you hadn't at least seen a picture.
There is a very good chance that a woman in her forties would be interested in a guy in his fifties, but of course, it all depends on the woman—and the man. I would, however, encourage you to consider what, specifically, you are looking for in a younger woman and rather than worry about the age, focus on looking for someone with those qualities moreless regardless of their age. For instance, I know women in their fifties (and sixties) who are adventurous, happy people who enjoy bike riding, kayaking, traveling, working out, scuba diving—and I know women in their thirties and forties that don’t. So my guess is that it isn't so much the age that you are concerned about but certain characteristics you are seeking...Yes?
As for interesting younger women in an older man, take a look at your profile and make sure you’ve clearly stated what you have to offer in the way of a relationship. More information is always preferable to less. Why would a woman want to date you? Why would she want to date you over a man her same age or only a few years older? Let you age work in your favor. Hopefully, the decade of time you have over younger guys has made you a wiser partner.
The best way to start a conversation online is to introduce yourself, "Hi, I saw your profile and wanted to introduce myself." Then comment on something you specifically saw that interested you or that you think you have in common, "I see that you enjoy scuba diving, me too!" Then ask a question to open the door for a response, "Were have you been diving?" Then answer your own question, "Since I live on Maui, I love diving out at Molokini crater, but when I can’t get out there, I like to dive in Makena. I really love diving with the Hawaiian Sea Turtles.
Show your interest, ask some questions, and share some information about yourself. Try to avoid saying things like, “I thought you were so pretty that I'd email you...” Women, especially pretty women, don't really want to hear that you are physically attracted to them until they know why you are personally attracted to them. What made you want to write to her, specifically? Let her know so that she feels chosen out of the millions of other profiles online.
