Relationships Require Dating

By Jeff Cohen, freelance writer (cohenwriting@aol.com)

Over the years I’ve provided dating coaching services for lots and lots of people. Would you believe that in approximately 50% of the cases, the person I’m working with is currently doing zero dating? Now, keep in mind that the overwhelming majority of people I work with want to meet that special someone to settle down. Granted, some folks are just looking for the casual relationship, but by and large this is not the case with my coaching clients.

Really let this 50% figure sink in. This means that every other person I work with on dating is currently taking no action steps to land in a relationship. I always ask a seemingly innocent question to start. Something like, “do you know that being in a relationship will require dating?”

This may seem like an obvious question but the answers I get run the gamut of excuses and rationales. The most common is that people prefer to find their mate through fate. They believe that if it’s meant to be there prince or princess charming will simply swoop into their lives. I’m here to tell you that nothing could be further from the truth. Think about it. In your lifetime, how many stories have you heard about how a couple met? Have you ever heard a story that went something like, “I tripped on the sidewalk and all of a sudden this cute guy or girl reached over to help me up and we just knew we’d never be apart again.” I’d be extremely surprised if you know anyone at all with a fate-based story like this. Most people met their partner through trial and effort and lots of bad dates.

That’s why I always start by telling my coaching clients that relationships require dating. The next natural question is always, “where do you meet people?” Here’s a great exercise you can do if you’re struggling to think of places to meet someone new. Right now, take out a piece of paper and write down the names of five close friends or family members in happy, healthy relationships. Next to each name, write down exactly how they met their partner. If I were doing this exercise, my list would read as follows:

• Parents: met on blind date
• Best friend growing up: met at work
• Best friend from college: met in a class
• Cousin: met on a singles vacation
• Good friend at work: met through online dating

The beauty of this list is that you respect the five people on it and therefore have respect for how they met their significant other. Plus, right away you have five great strategies to meet someone new. These are five strategies that already worked for someone you love, so it’s like a built in testimonial.

All you have to do is implement these ideas yourself and your dating life will be in full force. Think about how many more people you’d meet if you opened yourself up to blind dates, asked out that cute person at work, took an adult education class, signed up for a week in Club Med, and joined an online dating site. Within a few months you’d have more prospects than you can handle. That’s a great problem to have when it comes to the world of dating.

Jeff Cohen is the author of the e-book, 30 Minute Guide to Online Dating. It's a must-read for anyone looking to master the art of online dating without wasting hours of valuable time. To learn more about the e-book and purchase a copy, please visit "30 Minute Guide to Online Dating".