Does this relationship have a future or not? If only you knew for sure. We all wish we could answer that question with utmost certainty. We spend hours agonizing over the break up decision, thinking the answer will somehow come to us in a flash.
The bad news is there’s no concrete way of knowing for sure if breaking up is the right decision. The good news is you can improve your chances of making the right decision by considering these five questions.
1) Does the good outweigh the bad?
Take out a piece of paper and be honest about your partner. Don’t list everything under the sun, but do write down the major positives and negatives of your partner. Now review your list and think about the deal breakers. Is there anything on the negative list that you absolutely can’t stand for the rest of your life? On the flip side, is there anything on the positive side that really fulfills one of your most important relationship criteria? Compare the negatives and positives and pretty soon you’ll know which side is stronger.
2) Do you feel the love?
This is more of an intangible but don’t underestimate what your heart and gut tell you. Put all the logic aside for a moment and ask yourself in a split second whether or not you really want to be with this person? The first answer that comes to you is probably the most honest feelings you have about your partner. Take a few minutes and think about why that answer popped into your mind. It’s likely your subconscious trying to break through and tell you how you really feel about this relationship.
3) Are you in it for the right reasons?
Good reasons to stay in a relationship include love, the desire to start a family, an interest in building a life together. Bad reasons include a fear of being alone or fear of change. Think about why you’re in this relationship. Is the reason healthy? Staying in a relationship for all the wrong reasons is actually worse then being alone. At some point you’ll have a moment of honesty where you realize you’ve been with someone for several years and it had nothing to do with love, family, or starting a life together.
4) Are you treated the way you want to be treated?
We’re not talking about being treated like a king or queen, although that would be nice. Instead, do you feel like there’s a good give and take in the relationship? Are you each there for the other, putting the other’s feelings and needs first? If each partner focuses 100% on giving to the other then both sides will be getting 100% of what they need too. If this isn’t the case, then you’re likely dealing with selfishness in the relationship and that’s bound to cause problems down the road
5) Is your partner into you?
Thanks to the New York Times Bestseller, “He’s Just Not That Into You”, single people are frequently asking themselves whether or not their partner is truly into them. So ask yourself this same question. Do you get the sense your partner is happy to be with you? Do they treat you as good as or better than other significant people in their life? The person you’ll ultimately end up with should be into you, because if they’re not, then what kind of future do you really have in the first place?
Ask yourself these five questions as you ponder the future of your relationship. You’ll be on your way to knowing whether or not your current partner will be part of it.
Jeff Cohen is the author of the e-book, "30 Minute Guide to Online Dating". It's a must-read for anyone looking to master the art of online dating without wasting hours of valuable time. To learn more about the e-book and purchase a copy, please visit Online Dating eBook order page.
