Should You Risk the Friendship for a Chance at a Relationship?

By Jeff Cohen, freelance writer (cohenwriting@aol.com)

You’ve been friends for years. You do everything together… movies, dinners, even weddings. Over the years there’s been some harmless flirting, a few awkward moments, and even hints of relationship possibilities. But you’ve never officially crossed the line from friendship to relationship.

In the last few months something has changed for you. Every time you look at your close friend you see a relationship. The tension is building inside you as you ponder the big question… should you risk the friendship at the chance for a relationship?

You’ve been weighing your options. On the one hand you could say nothing and maintain the status quo. After all, you really do enjoy hanging out together. If you declare your love and the feeling is not mutual, the friendship will likely be destroyed.

On the other hand you could go for it and throw your feelings on the table. Sure, you run the risk of ruining the friendship but you just might find out that your friend has wanted more than a friendship all along.

You go back and forth, looking for definitive evidence one way or the other. You go over every conversation, every moment, every gesture, every glance, looking for one clue to tell you whether or not to go for it. Eventually you hit a mental stalemate; completely unsure of yourself and knowing only one thing for sure… you want more than a friendship.

I’m here to tell you that this situation should be a no-brainer for you. I know it’s scary to come clean about your feelings but you’ve got to do it. The biggest reason people never say anything is fear of losing the friendship. The time has come to realize that a lifelong friendship is not in the cards for either of you. Eventually one or both of you will meet someone new and that will put a damper on the time you spend together as friends. Sure you’ll still see movies and eat dinner together here and there. But once a romantic partner is in the picture, you know there will be a significant drop off in the time you spend together.

That’s why you simply must go for it. Sure, it might change your friendship forever but isn’t it better to force that change now rather than hold on for years to something that was never there in the first place. Look, there’s no reason you have to throw your feelings on the table to the point of scaring off your friend. That’s not what this is about. But you do need to say something like, “Have you ever thought about us becoming more than friends.” That’s about the least threatening way to bring up the topic and get a sense of where your friend stands on the issue.

If they like you too, then the door is open to explore the relationship together. If they only want to be friends, at least you know the truth. Then you can decide whether or not you can maintain the friendship knowing it will never go any further.

Either way you’ll have shown the courage to come clean about how you feel. That’s what controlling your dating destiny is all about.

Jeff Cohen is the author of the e-book, 30 Minute Guide to Online Dating. It's a must-read for anyone looking to master the art of online dating without wasting hours of valuable time. To learn more about the e-book and purchase a copy, please visit 30 Minute Guide to Online Dating.