I Love You But There’s Someone Else in the Picture

By Jeff Cohen, freelance writer (cohenwriting@aol.com)

Let’s say everything is going great in your relationship. You’ve been together for almost two years and the engagement, moving-in, and marriage conversation has begun. You’re thrilled at the stability that lies ahead but one thing keeps nagging at you. There is this other person you can’t get out of your mind.

Now you’re stuck in a mental tug-of-war. Should you stick it out in the comfortable, stable relationship, or take a chance on the new relationship? The time has come to put an end to your sleepless nights. Follow these five tips and you’ll have your decision in no time.

1) Stop thinking you can have your cake and eat it too
In this situation you probably wish you could know for sure whether or not the feelings from the new person are mutual. The last thing you want to do is end your current relationship, dive into something with the new flame, only to have it flame out in a few weeks or months. Unfortunately, relationships don’t work this way. At some point you have to take a leap of faith with one person or the other.

2) Make sure you’re not settling
Safety, comfort, and convenience are great words but they’re not enough to stay in the wrong relationship. Check your feelings for your current partner and make sure you’re not just sticking around because you’re going through the motions. Sooner or later you’ll wake up and realize you’re not happy. It’s better to make that decision now, rather than years down the road when your options may be even more limited.

3) Understand the grass is greener theory
You look at your current partner and you immediately see issues, baggage, and pet peeves. Then you look at your new prospect and see nothing but possibility. That’s because you don’t know this new person well enough to have uncovered their personality and character flaws. Don’t get caught up in thinking everything will be perfect in this new relationship. Sooner or later you’ll realize you’ve inherited a new set of issues, baggage, and peeves to keep you busy.

4) Think beyond the moment
Emotions can get the best of you in these decisions. There may currently be pain in your relationship from fighting or issues you’re working through. This pain may be strong enough that walking away seems like a great move. In fact, you’ll get that piano off your back in the short term. But sometimes removing short-term pain is not the best long-term decision for you. So think beyond the moment and you’ll have a clearer head on what you should really do.

5) Never throw the issue on the table
It can be tempting to just come clean with your partner and tell them there’s someone else. In a strange way you may be thinking they’ll make the decision for you by either breaking up with you or giving you permission to test the waters with this new person. Don’t put this on your partner. Before you even have one talk about it, you should know exactly what you’re planning to do next. It’s going to be hard enough for your partner to hear the news, let alone get saddled with the decision too.

Jeff Cohen is the author of the e-book, 30 Minute Guide to Online Dating. It's a must-read for anyone looking to master the art of online dating without wasting hours of valuable time. To learn more about the e-book and purchase a copy, please visit 30 Minute Guide to Online Dating.