Meet Me...Don't Delete Me! (Looking For My Perfect Soul Mate)
By Bev Bacon
“Yes, I would like to order one tall, dark and handsome, athletic, non-smoking, fun, energetic, sexy, spontaneous, adventurous, honest, spiritual, intelligent, outgoing, romantic, sensitive, caring, strong, liberal Libra man, who has lots of money and drives a fancy sports car. Oh yeah, and who likes long, moonlit walks on the beach.”
We’re not being too picky now, are we? We really just want to have someone who will treat us with respect and someone to laugh with and share a bottle of wine, right? If that’s the case, why have I seen the same ads up for four years in a row? What? Not enough people to chose from? If you spend your entire life looking for the ‘perfect’ person, you’ll most likely end up meeting your soul mate at your retirement villa, enjoying a nice dinner of blended peas together!
I absolutely get a kick reading what it is a person is looking for in a mate. Who needs to read the comics anymore! I have seen adjectives ranging from A to Z for the qualities people want in their lovey dove more than I’d like. Besides taking up half of the ad, it sure is an awful big order to fill. Jeepers, the above scenario described half the male population west of the Mississippi, and a woman wants all that in ONE guy! Hel-lo!
We’ve all pictured what our perfect dream guy/girl would look like. Romance novels and Cinderella stories made it easy for us to conjure up what our handsome prince or beautiful princess would look like, but unfortunately, that’s what they are, fairy tales. Let’s come back down to earth and realize we all don’t look like movie stars and we’re all not rich and successful.
The Internet has given us a gift of putting us in contact with people we never would have met before, but at the same time, has it made us too picky in the process? An ad will list choices of how tall, how small, and what color hair and eyes our mate should have. It lists what type of education, work, religion, political views, astrological sign, and how many tattoos and body piercing we want someone to have. And more importantly, it lists what income range our precious soul mate should have. I think the best thing to do is to go down to the Hasbro toy manufacturer and have them customize your own special blow up doll, because that’s about the only way you’ll get everything you put on your Christmas list, you door knob.
Now the guys’ wish list is usually much shorter than that of a woman’s. He’s not quite as picky. In ninety-five percent of the ads, the men marked ‘ANY’ for all the categories except for age and body style. They only want models…young models. Let’s face it, some things just never change. Guys are visual, (okay, so are us women) and if Miss America doesn’t walk through the door, forget it, there’s just no chemistry.
Speaking of chemistry, isn’t chemistry simply attraction? Do you ever see sparks fly when you hook up with a nerdy goober?
Attraction is misleading. It’s synonymous with chemistry, lust, and love. Of course there has to be some level of attraction or we’ll all be saving tons on our electric bill keeping the lights off forever. But, do you think we may be missing out on some pretty decent people if we forget about the ‘chemistry’ thing the first five minutes and think about giving the other person a chance.
I met a guy one afternoon and thought he was real nice and not bad looking. No real fireworks initially, but we did have lots in common. We talked for three hours and had similar viewpoints on a number of topics, even politics. Yes, we talked about the Iraq war instead of the war with our exes.
It wasn’t until around the third date that I started feeling a strong connection. Not chemistry but a true connection. Unfortunately, most people are too impatient to ever see a third date, so a lot of connections are never discovered. Try it, you may like it.
Perfection does exist, but usually not in the first two seconds. Perfection is what we feel in our hearts after we get to know someone. Take some time and don’t be in such a hurry to set off those sparks. They will come sooner than you think, if you know what I mean!
So get off that speedy merry-go-round and put it in first gear for a while. You may have a better chance of landing the right one. And remember, some things are much better in slooooowww motion!
Internet dating expert and author, Bev (Jarvis) Bacon, grew up and spent the majority of her ‘dating’ life in Kettering, Ohio. After several years of online dating, she realized that a different strategy was needed dating ‘this way’. Through her own personal experience, she feels she’s made all the mistakes so YOU don’t have to! Her book, “Meet Me…Don’t Delete Me!” explains what you can do to improve your chances of NOT being deleted in the process. Bev currently lives in Los Angeles.
