By Jeff Cohen, freelance writer (cohenwriting@aol.com)
Congratulations! You’ve done the work and found someone online that sparks your interest. You’re ready to convert from online emails and late-night phone chats to an offline encounter. You’ve chosen the date, picked a location, and are ready to see if the online spark translates into an offline dating relationship.
Before you meet for a drink or grab some coffee together, keep in mind these three key don’ts for a first date. Avoiding these three topics will give you the best possible odds of landing a second date and beyond.
1) Don’t talk about your ex
Getting over a failed relationship is tough on anyone. You may still feel hurt. You may have unanswered questions about why it ended. You may even still possess feelings of love for your ex. The reality is your previous relationship is over and you want your first date to understand this clearly.
If you continuously talk about your ex, or even worse, flash a photo of him or her, you’re sending a strong signal to your first date that the ex is still on your mind. Give it a few dates before you break down your failed relationships over a bottle of red wine. In the meantime, let your new relationship feel fresh and “ex-free.”
2) Stay off the cell phone
One call to a friend is acceptable, two calls make sense in an emergency, three calls indicate you don’t want to be there in the first place. Unlimited nights and weekends is a great cell phone feature, but do yourself a favor and hit the silence button.
We all know it’s a digital age we live in and technology is critical to our daily existence. Still, that first date is supposed to have that old-fashioned, face-to-face, getting to know you feel. If you divide your time between conversation with your date and text messages or phone calls to your friends, you won’t be using that cell phone to plan a second date anytime soon.
3) Don’t bring up therapy or counseling
The pain of a previous relationship may have landed you in therapy or counseling. There’s nothing to be ashamed of in seeking professional help in getting over a relationship. In fact, you should be proud of yourself for reaching out to a therapist to move on in a healthy fashion.
Unfortunately, comments on a first date like “my therapist was just telling me” or “that topic just came up in my last counseling session” may send the wrong message to your date. It could be misread as you’re not clear headed right now or still battling demons of a prior relationship.
Again, don’t be ashamed of therapy, just save it for a later date. You’ll be glad you did.
So on your first date, leave out references to your ex, minimize the cell phone calls and text messages, and keep the therapist under wraps. You’ll get the relationship off to a solid start and improve your chances of seeing your prospect again.
Jeff Cohen is the author of the e-book, 30 Minute Guide to Online Dating. It's a must-read for anyone looking to master the art of online dating without wasting hours of valuable time. To learn more about the e-book and purchase a copy, please visit Online Dating eBook.
