The road to understanding and exploring the past often begins when we are at the lowest point. We can only go up from there. All our lessons and experiences are about ourselves and not other people in our lives. We alone can control our emotions and reactions. We are not responsible for the reactions of others.
The following is a brief profile depicting a personality pattern that consists of controlling beliefs that feel natural to you.
If you believe the people you love will leave, and eventually you will end up emotionally isolated, a feeling of abandonment dictates your behavior.
In dating situations, are you drawn to those:
Who are unavailable to you in some significant way?
Have you been attracted to married individuals or those who are seriously involved with someone else?
Are you drawn to individuals who have limited time for you, such as workaholics, long-distance relationships, or people who travel extensively?
Have you been in relationships with people who treat you with ambivalence?
If you are dealing with this particular pattern, you feel that you will somehow be left alone, whether people close to you may die, leave home forever, or walk out on you for someone else. Because of this belief, you may cling to people too much and end up pushing them away. Even normal, brief partings may upset you.
Abandonment anxiety begins early in life and involves basic safety. While growing up, you may have experienced a turbulent family environment and felt vulnerable, fragile, and moody. You probably felt that something terrible might happen at any moment. Those who were supposed to love, care for, and protect you did not, which resulted in a feeling of desertion. Because of this pattern, you are drawn into relationships with people who have the potential to trigger this feeling of abandonment. You may be attracted to people who seem to have the potential to provide you with a stable relationship, but never completely fulfill it. Your relationship partners keep you guessing on their level of commitment and connection to you.
Because this is a familiar feeling, you are attracted to the idea of never really being sure if they will remain in your life.
Nancy Pina is author of the top selling relationship book, “The Right Relationship Can Happen.” For details on receiving personalized expert advice from Nancy, please visit her website at http://www.yourtruematch.com
