Intellectual Foreplay Question of the Week: What do you know?
Love Tip of the Week: Making up stories—whether it is pretending that everything is okay when it is not or assuming the worst before you know the truth—is never in your best interest.
Dear Eve,
To make a long story short, my fiancée and I broke up back in April. I took back the ring when I figured out she was seeing another guy or guys. We have gone out about four times since then but only on Fridays. I know she hooks up with another guy on Saturday evenings, so she won’t see me then.
I asked her a month ago if we could try again and offered her the ring back, but she says that she will not wear it. (She wouldn’t wear it prior to our breaking up for over a month.) She tells me she does not love me; she is just using me to blow money on her ,Is there a way that if I play my cards right I can have her back without losing my self respect? I still love her but if there is no chance from your advice, then I will just go on with my life. Thanks.
Aloha,
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this, but there is ONE SKILL that will save you YEARS of grief and heartache: LISTEN TO WHAT PEOPLE TELL YOU in the realm of dating and BELIEVE THEM when they say things like, "I don't love you, I'm just using you for money." She is telling you the truth. If that is truly how she feels, not only is there nothing you can do, I'm at a loss trying to think of a reason you would want her back. She has been cheating on you, she doesn't wear your ring, she doesn't love you and she is using you for money. Listen, pay attention and respect yourself enough not to settle for such an unsatisfying situation.
I wish you the best,
Sincerely
Eve
Dear Eve,
I met someone online, we met in person and then I invited him over for dinner last week. He called and said he was cleaning up to come over, and then never arrived.
I emailed him several times and called once to find out what was going on, but have never heard another word. I let him borrow some computer software that I now have to (awkwardly) try and get back. He said he had been served eviction papers for nonpayment of rent. I'm kind of afraid I'm going to go over in the next few days and find the place cleaned out and empty, and I'm a little hurt and somewhat embarrassed for feeling that I've let myself be somewhat 'scammed.'
Hi,
While it is very weird that he said he was coming over and then never showed up, it sounds also like he is not handling a lot of situations well and this is just one of them. Until we know what actually happened, all explanations are just stories we are making up. Keep in mind his person may not have consciously scammed you, or even set out to hurt you. He could have had a tragedy or a break down or who knows? It would appear he just isn't coping with life well at all, and you happen to be in the path of that destruction. Rather than feeling "scammed," recognize that you just learned a valuable lesson and perhaps escaped a much larger bummer. Move out of the path of the tornado and count your blessings (even if you don't get your software back!)
